someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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