The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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