it was like his penis was on wheels.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
