It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
