I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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