just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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