She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Life is so much better after having sex.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
