i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
