Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
