i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
