Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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