Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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