so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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