This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
