P.S. I can't hear my feet
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
