bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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