you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
