All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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