Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
