I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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