bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
