Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
