Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
