cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
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so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
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Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
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