Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
