Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
