If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
