he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
