So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
