you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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