if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
