There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
