I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
