Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
