If that was your dad, he is hot
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
