Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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