he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
