How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
