Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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