your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
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Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
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Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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