We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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