as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
