i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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