one might say we're banned from that church
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think weed is turning my hair brown
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
