Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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