having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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