I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
