and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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