OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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