My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
