I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
