I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
