The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
