We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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