Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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