i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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