I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
