I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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