she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize