WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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