Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
