I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
