dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
