I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
