He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
