Small penises have feelings too.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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