i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
