Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
